tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3940033521354389119.post7811285634652803024..comments2023-10-30T06:59:23.320-07:00Comments on Disgruntled Bear: Novel Pitch #4: GHOST CRABUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3940033521354389119.post-75183345567965291022011-06-02T05:11:26.496-07:002011-06-02T05:11:26.496-07:00This one is for R. King Kollman. I am Narayan Radh...This one is for R. King Kollman. I am Narayan Radhakrishnan, author of the work A FICTION OF LAW: A STUDY ON LAW AND LITERATURE. about 5- 7 years back while i was working on the first edition of this work i cam across your name with a "product description"- 'R. King Kollman, a Dallas attorney, publishes in the oxymoronic field of legal ethics, and has also written two novels featuring an eccentric criminal defense lawyer who investigates serial murders within the colorful Tejano culture of the Texas Gulf Coast and Hill Country"<br />However, the said product description subsequently disappeared. Are you the same King Kollman. Please do reply to advnarayan at yahoo dot com. <br />would like to include the details of your books in the subsequent edition of A FICTION OF LAWNarayanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16869500726254237643noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3940033521354389119.post-20768744366664413152011-03-04T16:42:18.495-08:002011-03-04T16:42:18.495-08:00CONGRATULATIONS! I'm thrilled for you. I wish ...CONGRATULATIONS! I'm thrilled for you. I wish you fantastic success! Please keep us posted on further developments.Disgruntled Bearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17975975276659730388noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3940033521354389119.post-75830622080099687742011-03-04T07:42:50.783-08:002011-03-04T07:42:50.783-08:00I'm late reporting in that my ABNA pitch made ...I'm late reporting in that my ABNA pitch made it through to the second round! I ended up submitting another work, feeling Ghost Crab isn't yet polished enough, but I incorporated into my pitch your suggestions because the same protagonist features in the book I did submit. Brenda, who knew describing Gianne in silk Armanis and stilettos would evoke a whole 'nother level of interest in her? It sure seems to have. Kate, thanks again for your help, and everyone else!rkollmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11504682010908762010noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3940033521354389119.post-83968231149632647722011-01-12T09:47:43.273-08:002011-01-12T09:47:43.273-08:00sorry, multi-tasking isn't working out too wel...sorry, multi-tasking isn't working out too well for me, that wasn't clear at all! I meant what draws her to the rig story? Is there some personal motivation that makes this important to her?Claire Merlehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07566685720094646776noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3940033521354389119.post-60113490809383017662011-01-12T09:20:54.747-08:002011-01-12T09:20:54.747-08:00Is this the second in the series? In the first few...Is this the second in the series? In the first few excellent chapters I read of your fiction with Gianne setting out to defend Benny, she came across as a very complex and interesting character. It would be great to have a sense of that in this pitch. What draws her to it? Why does it become important to her?Claire Merlehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07566685720094646776noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3940033521354389119.post-88247127698907502442011-01-12T04:44:34.754-08:002011-01-12T04:44:34.754-08:00Thanks, Bear, and Brenda and Deniz! Great feedback...Thanks, Bear, and Brenda and Deniz! Great feedback, as always.rkollmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11504682010908762010noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3940033521354389119.post-91305859000260924182011-01-11T16:12:48.218-08:002011-01-11T16:12:48.218-08:00I feel for you, cos you seem to be having the same...I feel for you, cos you seem to be having the same problem as I do with my pitch - too many characters to introduce and no pithy way to do it. I've already revised mine since offering it up here, unfortunately - I realised I wasn't focused enough on the romance in the pitch, for what's supposed to be a romance novel!<br />That said, I agree with Kate's suggestions for paragraph two - if the pitch is for a thriller, it seems it ought to have more of a *thriller* aspect than a recitation of the lawyer's steps toward solving the case.<br />Also, is there more you could add about Gianne herself, to give us a sense of her motivations, her personal life?Deniz Bevanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17134553551048836979noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3940033521354389119.post-1537266858609970102011-01-10T13:52:57.353-08:002011-01-10T13:52:57.353-08:00Good feedback, Brenda, and I think naming the char...Good feedback, Brenda, and I think naming the character in the pitch is a great idea.Disgruntled Bearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17975975276659730388noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3940033521354389119.post-77150176475242805312011-01-10T13:45:42.238-08:002011-01-10T13:45:42.238-08:00I think Kate's comments are on target. Regardi...I think Kate's comments are on target. Regarding first paragraph...I wonder if you could simplify things by giving said marine biologist a name? He's a pretty major character, even if he is dead and I think it could allow you to play with the hook a bit more. I also would like to get more of a sense of voice and what kind of character Gianne is. For some reason I thought of...Gianne Noble is a high-priced lawyer with the heels to match. Missing persons is for the DA to deal with. Until the Deep Blue Rig blows, killing 10 men and spewing the second largest environmental catastrophe across the Gulf of Mexico.<br /><br />Or something. The second paragraph seemed to be trying to say too much to me. I got lost in trying to follow the story. I also wonder (on a practical level) why the family is in such desperate need of benefits if they have a boat? Not that you want to get bogged down in those details, but perhaps a note of caution to be careful about how you paint the family b/c I'm sitting here saying, "Sell the damn boat". :)Brenda St John Brownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01995664320021950254noreply@blogger.com