Disgruntled Bear

Writing Retreat

2012-02-13T16:06:00.000-08:00

This past weekend in the Berkshires was all kinds of awesome. We arrived on Friday night and spent the weekend talking, eating, writing, brainstorming, watching Breaking Dawn and making snarky comments, and otherwise sharing the joys of the creative process. I hope we'll turn this into an annual thing--it was both madly productive and tremendous fun. Cindy posted our top ten list, which still cracks me up:

http://cindythomasbooks.blogspot.com/2012/02/ten-things-i-learned-this-weekend.html

Awesome Trailer

2012-02-06T14:56:00.000-08:00

Check out the trailer for Witchblood that debuted yesterday on Darkest Sins.

Call for Submissions

2012-02-02T11:22:00.000-08:00

We have a new anthology in the works at Spencer Hill Press, and you can be a part of it!

Call for Submissions
for
Holiday Magick: An Unconventional Anthology of Holiday Stories
a short story anthology

We are looking for stories that tell alternative explanations or interpretations of the classic traditions and/or origins of holidays. Stories in the anthology will come from a variety of viewpoints, including the mythical, the magical, and the supernatural. No holiday is too small to be seen from a different perspective. Just think:

Easter Egg hunts teaching survival skills to militant bunnies.

A groundhog sharing his shadow to pay an ancient debt.

St. Valentine creating a holiday to stave off vampire attacks.

Halloween as the demons’ day off.

You may think you know the truth, but you haven’t heard the real stories yet!

Suggested Length: 3,000-7,000 words. Up to 10,000 words is possible, but it will be a HARD sell.

Due Date: June 25, 2012

Editors: Richard Storrs and Jessica Porteous

Submission Guidelines: Please email your submissions to us at anthology@SpencerHillPress.com
Put your story into the BODY of the email (no attachments, please!) and put "Holiday Magick" in your subject line, along with the title of your story. You are welcome to submit multiple stories; stories will be selected based on quality and on achieving a balance of holidays and story genres within the anthology.

Legalese: We can only accept previously unpublished stories. Please do not use licensed characters or any trademarked or copyright-protected material without written permission in advance of submission (This is NOT the place for “A Christmas Carol for Jabba the Hutt”). We’re also not looking for stories that use holidays merely as settings, without any connection to holiday traditions. Contributor compensation will include a $10 advance paid upon publication, a contributor copy of the paper version, a royalty percentage split among all contributors, and, of course, bragging rights. Stories should be appropriate for adult and teen readers (age 14 and up) – please, no explicit sex or graphic violence, and be sensitive to religious or cultural beliefs about some holidays.

ANGELINA'S SECRET is here!

2012-02-01T05:27:00.000-08:00

Happy Launch day to Lisa Rogers--Angelina's Secret is a wonderful story!

And the winner of the blog hop SWAG pack is...

ame1184!

Congrats, Alicia! I'll email you for your shipping info.

Young Adult Giveaway Hop

2012-01-26T14:24:00.000-08:00

Welcome to the YA Giveaway Hop here at Disgruntled Bear. The next stop is Enter the Spirit World.

I'm giving away a prize pack (open internationally) that includes:

An early copy (signed) of the new edition of Minder...

... a Spencer Hill Press tote bag (ooh, stylish!), and a bunch of SWAG, including bookmarks, guitar picks, and stickers.

To enter, become a follower here at Disgruntled Bear and post a comment below. Write anything (clean) you want: "Happy Groundhog's Day Eve," "I <3 sock puppets," "San Dimas High School football RULES!" I'll use random.org to pick the winner and announce it on February 1st.

Easy, right?

If you're a first-timer here and are wondering about this Minder book, it's the first book of the Ganzfield series, and #5, Operative, will be released March 15th:

Sixteen-year-old Maddie Dunn is special, but she needs to figure out how to use her new abilities before somebody else gets hurt. Ganzfield is a secret training facility full of people like her, but it's not exactly a nurturing place.

Every social interaction carries the threat of mind-control. A stray thought can burn a building to the ground. And people's nightmares don't always stay in their own heads.

But it's still better than New Jersey. Especially once she meets the man of her dreams…

Read an excerpt.

Best YA Series of the Year
"Clever and creative...this book sucked me in and would not let me go--not that I would have wanted it to." – Escape Between The Pages
http://escapebetweenthepages.blogspot.com/2010/07/review-minder-by-kate-kaynaks.html

A Reading Teen "What to Read This Summer" Pick
"Absolutely flawless!" – Reading Teen
http://www.readingteen.net/2010/06/arc-giveaway-of-minder-by-kate-kaynak.html

A Reader's Choice Awards Top 5 pick for "BEST YA SERIES OF 2010," "BEST YA BOOK" (Minder), "BEST PARANORMAL ROMANCE" (Adversary), "BEST SECONDARY CHARACTER" (Trevor), and "BEST COUPLE" (Maddie and Trevor) – Mindful Musings
http://themindfulmusingsbookblog.blogspot.com/2011/01/winner-best-ya-and-adult-series-of-2010.html

Thanks for stopping by Disgruntled Bear, and have a Happy Weekend!

Book Trailers

2012-01-24T07:05:00.000-08:00

What do you like in a book trailer? Production value? Humor? Sexy images? What do you think of this one?

What makes you buy a book? Does this one get you interested?

Lessons from Open Submission

2012-01-19T08:11:00.000-08:00

Well, another open submissions period has come to an end at Spencer Hill, and we'll be winnowing down the stack of potential projects in the next couple of weeks. BTW, if you submitted something and haven't heard anything back, we're still considering your project... or our response is in your spam folder.

< pause for people to go check their spam. No, we're not the ones whose passports were stolen, but if you want to send us money anyway... >

Lesson #1: Know whom you're querying
We received several of the usual "Dear Mr. Hill" queries, and an overly-friendly "Hi Spencer!" one, as well. That's not the problem--the military thrillers, the chick-lits, the poetry collections, and the others that weren't even CLOSE to the YA spec-fic that we publish were. Please, people, actually read what an agent or editor is looking for before querying. Queries that don't even fall into the right genre waste your time and ours.

Lesson #2: Have you ever wondered about rhetorical questions?
Did you really think they would catch the interest of the reader? Would you believe they are one of the biggest "red flags" in a slush pile? Can you imagine going an entire submissions period without ever requesting material from a query with rhetorical questions? Can you taste the acrid sarcasm flavoring this paragraph?

Seriously, folks, rhetorical questions are NEVER an asset in a query. Best case, the agent or editor overlooks them. Worst case, they stop reading after seeing the opening question (or questions--I've actually seen entire paragraphs like the one above).

Lesson #3: Remember, we want to like you

Agents and editors read submissions hoping to find something that makes them go, "OMG--I've GOT to read this!" Keep your queries simple, entertaining, and to-the-point. Imagine someone picking up your newly-published book in the local bookstore, flipping it over, and reading the back jacket. Your query should read like that--give a sense of your narrative voice and entice the reader to want to know more about the story.

Your biographical info should only be a sentence or three that either establishes your credentials (previous publications and writing awards) or is an entertaining read that makes us feel like we've just met you (for example, my standard bio begins: "Kate Kaynak was born and raised in New Jersey, but she managed to escape."). PLEASE don't give us three paragraphs about your writing process, your physical or mental health problems (unless they tie into the story, like Joseph Heller's did with God Knows), your previous inability to get your work published, or all the stuff that you don't like about your life. If you want to complain about how tough it is to write and publish a novel, start a blog. :)

Lesson #4: Don't give up

Publishing is hard, but if you have a well-told, engaging story, you eventually can find a home for it. However, while you've got that book out, shopping itself around, keep writing. Start another book, and another, and take the feedback you've gotten on the earlier works to make the later works better.

Good luck!

ARISIA and the UNCONVENTIONAL Launch

2012-01-17T11:34:00.000-08:00

Hi folks!

I haven't been posting with my regular frequency in the past few months, since I've been in the editing cave, catching up with all of the work from the fall that got pushed back by family health issues.

But now... I'm baaaack!

This past weekend included the launch events for UnCONventional, the first Spencer Hill Press anthology.

We had the first reading and the launch party at Arisia, which is kind of like having a birthday party in Times Square on New Year's Eve.

There was a cake...

The cake was all kinds of awesome, both beautiful and delicious.

There were authors, that intrepid band known as the UnCONtributors...

The UnCONtributors (left to right):

Top: Kimberley Long-Ewing, Rich Storrs (ed.), Kate Kaynak (me), Trisha Wooldridge (ed.), Anthony Francis

Ira Nayman, the most awesome use of fondant ever (the cake, not Ira), Pamela van Hylckama Vlieg, Marie Romero (ed.)
Front: Jennifer Allis Provost, Vikki Ciaffone, Melina Gunnett

The reading was the most fun and animated I've ever attended...

Gordon Dupuis, reading from "A Comic End."

And there was even a surprise* cameo at the party by the Green Fairy:

*The surprise was that she wandered into the party not knowing she'd had anything to do with the book.

The Green Fairy was at Arisia last year, and she was part of the inspiration for this book, since I began to wonder about her connection to the Green Room... and whether the whole event might just be a cover for something.

I'm still all a-giddy over how well this book has been received. Trish and I have been thrilled to work with such a talented collection of writers. It has been an all-around wonderful experience.

Oh, and please keep an eye out for the call for submissions for the next anthology: coming soon!

MASTERS OF THE VEIL widget

2012-01-10T16:38:00.001-08:00

More widget fun!

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Betrayed Widget

2012-01-09T16:34:00.001-08:00

Countdown Creator Progreat free widgetsWidgetboxMore info

And the ELEMENTAL widget!

(I'm just full of widgets today)

Countdown Creator Progreat free widgetsWidgetboxMore info

And the Winner is...

2012-01-04T05:19:00.000-08:00

~April~

Congrats, April!

New Year's Giveaway Hop

2011-12-30T00:01:00.000-08:00

Disgruntled Bear is part of another wonderful giveaway hop. The next stop is the Doorkeeper (http://reneeannsmith.com/). I'm giving away a prize pack (open internationally) that includes:

A copy of UnCONventional, the new anthology from Spencer Hill Press...

... a Spencer Hill Press tote bag, and a bunch of SWAG, including bookmarks, guitar picks, stickers, a can jersey, and whatever I've got hanging around.

To enter, become a follower here at Disgruntled Bear and post a comment below. Write anything (clean) you want. I'll use random.org to pick the winner and announce it on January 4th.

About UnCONventional:

This is a great collection of stories in which the convention is just the cover from something paranormal.

"It's about to get weird... okay, weirder in here."

Alien ascensions in hotel ballrooms.
Mermaids on cruise ships.
Werewolves in dog shows.
Steampunk fairy time travelers.
A teenage superhero hitching a ride with a supervillain.
Comic books that absorb their readers.
Magical filk... and much more.

With stories by: LJ Berger, Vikki Ciaffone, Daniel Cohen, Gordon Dupuis, Anthony Francis, Justine Graykin, Randy O. Green, Melina Gunnett, Kate Kaynak, Danielle M. LeFevre, Kimberley Long-Ewing, Lauren Marrero, Will Morton, LS Murphy, Ira Nayman, KT Pinto, Jennifer Allis Provost, Patricia Puckett, Keshia Swaim, Sherry Thompson, Pamela van Hylckama Vlieg, and Trisha Wooldridge

Available through:

Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Book Depository (free international shipping):

ANGELINA'S SECRET Book Trailer

2011-12-20T09:31:00.000-08:00

New Spencer Hill Press book trailer!

Check it out:

What do you think?

Query Writing

2011-12-15T04:55:00.000-08:00

Good advice: http://fictiongroupie.blogspot.com/2011/12/single-best-piece-of-query-writing.html

Best I've Read 2011

2011-12-13T02:38:00.000-08:00

Megan over at Amethyst Daydreams has an interview with yours truly, as well as a Ganzfield book giveaway going on right now. Check it out here! http://amethystdaydreams.blogspot.com/2011/12/bir2011-interview-with-kate-kaynak.html

I'm so honored to have been picked for this; thanks again, Megan!

COVENANT Book Stuff

2011-12-12T00:38:00.000-08:00

We have a few bits of Half-Blood related stuff here today at the Bear, and the first is...

A COVER REVEAL!

Here's the cover of the third book in the Covenant series, Deity. It's scheduled to come out November 6th, 2012.

We're pretty psyched about it.

Please, please, PLEASE vote for Alex in the YA Sisterhood tourney today! http://ya-sisterhood.blogspot.com/2011/12/match-11-nora-seed-10-vs-alex-seed-23.html

And finally, Half-Blood is up for a cover art award over at All Things Urban Fantasy (Best Object Cover, about halfway down). http://allthingsurbanfantasy.blogspot.com/2011/12/voting-is-now-open-3rd-annual.html. We'd love your vote there, too.

Happy Monday!

UNCON is here!

2011-12-08T03:46:00.000-08:00

The first copies of UnCONventional, our new anthology, are now in my office and in our distributor's warehouse.

Yes, I *did* make a fort out of the boxes.

Anyhoo, we're all kinds of excited about this book. Check it out:

It's about to get weird... okay, weirder in here.

Alien ascensions in hotel ballrooms.

Mermaids on cruise ships.

Werewolves in dog shows.

Steampunk fairy time travelers.

A teenage superhero hitching a ride with a supervillain.

Comic books that absorb their readers.

Magical filk... and much more.

With stories by: LJ Berger, Vikki Ciaffone, Daniel Cohen, Gordon Dupuis, Anthony G. Francis, Jr., Justine Graykin, Randy O. Green, Melina Gunnett, Kate Kaynak, Danielle M. LeFevre, Kimberley Long-Ewing, Lauren Marrero, Will Morton, LS Murphy, Ira Nayman, KT Pinto, Jennifer Allis Provost, Patricia Puckett, Keshia Swaim, Sherry Thompson, Pamela van Hylckama Vlieg, and Trisha Wooldridge

Pre-order through:

Amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/UnCONventional-Kate-Kaynak/dp/1937053008/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1315697667&sr=1-1

Barnes & Noble:
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/unconventional-kate-kaynak/1030781900?ean=9781937053000&itm=1&usri=unconventional%2bkaynak

Book Depository (free international shipping):
http://www.bookdepository.com/Unconventional-Kate-Kaynak/9781937053000

And I had to share a picture of this awesome lightsaber candlestick:

And the winner is...

2011-12-07T00:01:00.000-08:00

The giveaway winner is...

A.J.!

Congrats, A.J.! I'll send you an email to get your mailing address.

Book Launch!

2011-12-06T01:56:00.000-08:00

FACT: Jennifer Armentrout is an amazing writer, and we should encourage her by buying her books.

FACT: Obsidian is wicked good.

FACT: You should get a copy of this book today.

Starting over sucks. When we moved to West Virginia right before my senior year, I’d pretty much resigned myself to thick accents, outhouses, dodgy internet access, and a whole lot of boring. Until I spotted my hot neighbor with his looming height and eerie green eyes. Things were looking up.

And then he opened his mouth.

Daemon is infuriating. Arrogant. Stab-worthy. We do not get along. At all. But when a stranger attacks me and Daemon literally freezes time with a wave of his hand, well, something…unexpected happens. The hot alien living next door marked me.

You heard me. Alien.

Turns out Daemon and his sister have a galaxy of enemies wanting to steal their abilities, and the mark he left on me has me lit up like Las Vegas strip to the bad guys. The only way I'm getting out of this alive is by sticking close to Daemon until my alien mojo fades. If I don't kill him first, that is. And then things got really bad…

BOOK DEPOSITORY: http://www.bookdepository.com/Obsidian-Jennifer-Armentrout/9781937044237

AMAZON: http://www.amazon.com/Obsidian-Lux-Novel-Book-One/dp/1937044238/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpi_3

BARNES & NOBLE: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/obsidian-jennifer-l-armentrout/1105621066?ean=9781937044237

Book Lover's Holiday Giveaway Hop

2011-12-02T00:03:00.000-08:00

Disgruntled Bear is part of this ginormous (more than 250 participating) giveaway hop. The next stop is at the blog of Michelle Madow, whose book, Remembrance, looks all kinds of awesome!*

*And I hope she sends me a signed copy for saying so.

But first...

I'm giving away a prize pack (open internationally) that includes:

An early copy (signed) of the new edition of Minder...

... a Spencer Hill Press tote bag (ooh, stylish!), and a bunch of SWAG, including bookmarks, guitar picks, stickers--and maybe a candy cane or something, in honor of the holidays.

To enter, become a follower here at Disgruntled Bear and post a comment below. Write anything (clean) you want--"Happy Holidays," "I hope I win," "Kneel before Zod!"--whatever. I'll use random.org to pick the winner and announce it on December 7th.

Easy, right?

If you're a first-timer here and are wondering about this Minder book, it's the first book of the Ganzfield series, and #5, Operative, will be released next March:

Every social interaction carries the threat of mind-control. A stray thought can burn a building to the ground. And people's nightmares don't always stay in their own heads.

But it's still better than New Jersey. Especially once she meets the man of her dreams…

Read an excerpt.

AMAROK Cover reveal!

2011-12-02T00:01:00.000-08:00

Amarok

Life has been hell for seventeen-year-old Emma since she moved from sunny California to a remote Alaskan town. Rejected by her father and living with the guilt of causing her mother's death, she makes a desperate dash for freedom from her abusive stepfather. But when her car skids off the icy road, her escape only leads to further captivity in a world beyond her imagining.

Dragged across the tundra by a crazed mountain man and his enormous black wolf, she finds that her gentle touch and kind heart earn her the wolf's friendship, and she names him Amarok, not knowing he was once a young man. When a vicious madman--trapped in bear form by an ancient Shaman--attacks the travelers and injures Amarok, Emma must find the strength to confront her fears and free the wolf she's come to love. But there's a catch--she must face down the evil shaman, a powerful Siberian mammoth hunter from the ice age, and he has no intention of giving up his power to her.

Title: Amarok

Author: Angela J. Townsend

Publisher: Spencer Hill Press (www.SpencerHillPress.com)

ISBN: 978-1-937053-22-2

Release Date: November 20, 2012

List Price: $12.95

Formats: Trade Paperback, e-book

Genres: Young Adult, Fantasy and Magic, Thriller

****************************************

We LOVE this book over at Spencer Hill. I read the MS in one sitting and ADORED it--it's edgy, scary, and beautiful. I hope you'll add it to your TBR ASAP!

Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13136967-amarok

Brilliant

2011-11-30T01:00:00.000-08:00

Contrex - Ma Contrexpérience - 97s from Marcel on Vimeo.

Thanks to my mom (I'm just as surprised as you are) for the link.

Giveaways are good

2011-11-28T01:28:00.000-08:00

Hi folks!

Welcome back from the holiday weekend, all you US-based folks. And to the other 95% of the world, welcome back from the weekend.

This blog will be part of a huge giveaway hop that starts later this week.

Make sure to check back and take part; with more than 250 giveaways, your odds of winning a book or ten are pretty good.

And to give you something to make your jaw drop, there's this:

Yeah, that's a guy. A jet-pack guy. A real, honest-to-God, the-Jetsons-are-becoming-reality jet-pack guy.

Thanks to Pete for the link.

Opening to Submissions Next Week

2011-11-24T16:31:00.001-08:00

Hi folks,

Polish up those queries; we open to submissions next week! Guidelines can be found at: http://www.site.spencerhillpress.com/Submissions.html. In the meantime, feel the excitement, the drama, and the sheer FUN that is indie publishing!

Happy Weekend!

What Not to Share

2011-11-18T16:37:00.001-08:00

Great post for writers: http://www.rachellegardner.com/2011/11/what-not-to-blog-about/

Happy Weekend!

Early Xmas Shopping

2011-11-17T03:00:00.000-08:00

I love this sort of thing:

http://www.stupid.com/2012-Hot-Guys-Baby-Animals-Calendar-_p_2792.html

The Most Random Part of My Job

2011-11-15T13:09:00.001-08:00

I love designing book covers and doing the trailers and the like, but it does mean I end up looking at a lot of random images, including:

I have no actual use for this photo, mind you--but it's just SO CUTE! Now I want a pet owl. That would bother my husband less than bringing home some of the other stuff I've come across.

* sigh *

Blogging and getting things done

2011-11-12T18:08:00.001-08:00

If you're a regular reader here at Disgruntled Bear, you'll notice that posting has been a tad sporadic of late. I've had a combo of work and family health issues that have made my productive time their bitch. Anyhoo, I'll still post at least 2-3 times each week, hopefully in the general vicinity of MWF.

Thanks in advance for being cool about it.

Beth Revis is Right

2011-11-11T18:06:00.000-08:00

Here's a great post about YA authors.
http://bethrevis.blogspot.com/2011/11/its-not-competition.html
It's very true, and it hits at the heart of Spencer Hill's mission of building up authors.

Cover reveal!

2011-11-08T10:01:00.000-08:00

Like ghost stories? We have a freebie that's about to come out from Spencer Hill Press -- Angelina's Friend, a short story that shows the conflict from Angelina's childhood that comes out in her high school years in Angelina's Secret.

Come check it out at www.SpencerHillPress.com and download the free PDF or ePub version.

And the Winner is...

2011-11-07T06:45:00.000-08:00

SPRING TIDE!

Congratulations, Sheritha! For your partial critique, please send me the first thirty pages of your MS as a Word DOC or DOCX file at kate (at) katekaynak (dot) com.

Also, since MESSENGER'S HANDBOOK got more than a third of the votes, I'd like to offer Pamela a critique of her first ten pages, as well (please send your file as per the intructions above).

We had over 400 votes in this contest--thanks to everyone who took part! This was an AMAZING collection of queries, and I hope to see several of them in the submissions we receive at Spencer Hill next month.

Happy Monday!

Back on the Grid

2011-11-02T19:56:00.000-07:00

Gah! Forty-eight hours without internet access--it was like being punished for a crime I didn't commit.

I'm back now, and I'm thrilled that hundreds of people have already voted in the Great Query Contest! You have until the 6th to do so.

THE GREAT QUERY CONTEST: ROUND 2

2011-10-31T11:37:00.000-07:00

Welcome topart two, where, like on American Idol,you get to vote. Please select your favorite by midnight (EST) Sunday, November6th. I'll announce the winner on Monday the 7th. And on a side note, this wasan especially wonderful group of queries this year! I suspect that many of themwill be picked up and published. So, without further ado, here are this year'scontenders (in the order they were received and critiqued):

====================================================

#1:NOCTURNE

Betrayed by his family and by love, seventeen-year-old GabrielDurante has no one to turn to but the demon he serves. Now a high schooldropout, Gabriel haunts the streets of San Francisco and collects souls fromthe dead so his demon, Moira, can feed on their energy.

After Moira causes a disastrous fire that kills a man, Ana, thevictim's 16-year-old sister, seeks out Gabriel. Gabriel tries to scare heraway, only to find himself wanting to devour her soul--a sign that he'sbecoming a demon himself.

Gabriel finds out that the only way to become human again is tokill Moira. But he's nearly out of time and he can't do it alone. He must teamup with Ana and the Angel of Death to kill the demon--or die trying.

NOCTURNE is a YA Urban Fantasy complete at 95,000 words.

====================================================

#2: OUT OF THE WATER

Eighteen-year-old Rosa becomesseparated from her family as they flee their Spanish homeland – and theInquisition. Now her life is in the hands of a stranger, Baha, an artist from theOttoman Empire. He is her one hope of reaching Constantinople and reunitingwith her family. As they travel together, Rosa's drive to find her loved onesis matched by a deepening desire for the man at her side.

Despite her family's refusal to accepther marriage to a man of a different faith, when janissaries arrest her fatherand brother, Rosa and Baha risk everything to rescue them. Together they willprove that their love can withstand their differences... if the Grand Vizierdoesn't throw them both into the dungeons first.

OUT OF THE WATER is complete at 120,000words.

====================================================

#3: SPRING TIDE

All sixteen year old Sarah Parker has todo is attend a party Friday night, pretend she's having fun, and hope to catcha glimpse of her long time crush, Marcus David. Instead she saves the party'shost from near death, battles an alien called an "Outsider," andwakes up in the hospital.

So much for kicking butt.

Even though the entire school thinksshe's a freak, hunkalicious Marcus still hangs out with Sarah. Sarah hopes hercrush will turn into something more... but soon discovers Marcus has a fewsecrets of his own--like the reason he's always around to protect her when theOutsiders return.

When Marcus is accused of murdering afellow student, Sarah must fight to clear his name while unravelling themystery of her own destiny.

Spring Tide is complete at 55,000 words.

====================================================

#4: THREADS

“Her reality cracked downthe middle like a badly made clay pot, and all her assumptions of what was realand normal leaked out the bottom.”

When nineteen-year-old Alice Cunningham learns she’s inheritedher eccentric great Aunt’s vacuum cleaner shop, she isn’t particularlyimpressed. But when she visits the shop it changes (into…?). Her aunt’s oldemployee has some wild stories to tell about the shop, its customers, and evenAlice herself…

Alice sheds her shy reserve as she enters her new life. Learningmagic is fun, and the fact that the shop can move anywhere in the world ispretty awesome… until she meets Alexie Ambrose, Greek titan-turned-pop star.Ambrose's interest in Alice turns into a dangerous obsession. He wants her formore then her sparkling personality and good looks, and he’s not letting her gountil he gets what he wants…

Threads is Ella Enchanted meets Mr. Magorium’s WonderEmporium. Complete at 100,000 words, it tells the story of a young womanwho goes from wallflower to powerful female.

====================================================

#5: SACRIFICE

In one horrific night,Ava Shore loses everything. After discovering the truth about her father'sdeath and witnessing the murder of her mother, she sees the King's Advisor forwho he really is -- a coldblooded killer on a mission to uncover thewhereabouts of a powerful blue stone.

Ava uncovers a plot to assassinate the King but when her attempt to foil itfails, she has no choice but to flee across The River to The Burbs, a part ofthe country reserved for the worst criminals. There she joins the mostnotorious gang in return for their protection.

Surrounded by murder and deceit Ava resists becoming the person everyone thinksshe is, "The Crownkiller." The wisdom and love from a gang memberassists her in discovering herself and accepting her situation. But when a friend'slife is threatened in an attempt to ensure her capture, Ava sacrificeseverything to save him.
Sacrifice is a 96,000 word, YA dystopian novel.

====================================================

#6: ALL SHE NEEDS IS LOVE

EverythingEmma Francis owns fits in a garbage bag. Don't you dare pity her. She'ssurvived the foster care system and is finally eighteen, free to make her owndecisions. It's about time.

Unfortunately, due to the foster-care-shuffle, Emma hasn't stayed in one placelong enough to put anything other than decent grades on her collegeapplications. Community service is a must. A friend suggests she volunteer ather church and it is there she meets Gigi, a blonde haired, blue-eyed,opinionated little girl, who is more than willing to be Emma's charity case.

As Gigi wiggles her way under Emma's hard shell, someone else pokes through thecracks. Emma is far from a damsel in distress, but when she's attacked behindthe diner her knight in shining t-shirt comes to her rescue. She never expectsit to be South High's quarterback, known to her simply as Burger and Fries, anorder he delivers with a charming smile every week. But there's more to Samthan a strong appetite and a great throwing arm. He morphs from friend toboyfriend so slowly Emma doesn't even realize her guard is faulty.

Emma's life plan is in full swing until Gigi's sorry excuse for a father killshimself in a drunk driving accident. Gigi is headed for hell, the fostersystem. Emma must decide if she's willing to change everything she has plannedto save Gigi from the life she was forced to endure.

ALL SHE NEEDS IS LOVE is Contemporary YA complete at 67,000 words.

====================================================

#7: THE MESSENGER'S HANDBOOK

After sixteen-year-old Madeline is pushed onto the subwaytracks, she wakes in 1675, during King Philip's War--the sole survivor of aNative massacre of a settlement in colonial Massachusetts. Rescued and takenback to the colonists' garrison, as a modern girl she knows more about textingthan weaving textiles. Her weird behavior starts rumors of witchcraft, and thecrime she does commit--falling in love with a Nativeboy--could also get her killed. The only way she can get home and save both oftheir lives is train with the Medicine Woman and fulfill her destiny as aMessenger, a time traveler. But the Hunters, dark-souled predators as well astime travelers, are closing in... and they'll kill her if she doesn't jointhem.

The Messenger's Handbook is a YA romantic time travelthriller complete at 62,000 words.

====================================================

#8: TRIANGLE

The travel brochure promised an "escape from reality."Her sister promised it would be the best family vacation ever. But whenseventeen-year-old Autumn Taylor's ship glides into the Bermuda Triangle, herdays become a blur of Twilight Zone episodes—and she's the star of theshow.

She speaks to her dead father, fights with a stepbrother shedoesn't have, and finds herself in a heated love triangle with a coworker andhis half-brother. Waking up with cancer pushes her to the edge of a mentalbreakdown, sending her to the ship's doctor for help. Dr. Hardy warns her thatany of these alternate lives could become permanent—which is what happened toher during her own trip through the Triangle. Autumn struggles to figure outwhat’s going on, while everyone on the ship, including her sister, accepts eachday as if it were the norm. When Autumn returns to the clinic for more answers,she finds the doctor was never on the ship's registry.

Now, with no one to help her, Autumn has a few things to figureout: a way out of the Triangle, why she's the only one who's been affected bythe strange occurrences, and why this is happening to her. If she can’t get herreal life back on track, she may end up spending the next sixty years trappedin a life she was never meant to live.

TRIANGLES is a 59,000 word young adult urban fantasy.

====================================================

#9: MIRRORMASTERS

Leah Ellis has a mission to save herhomeworld--if the ones who unleashed the impending apocalypse don’t eliminateher first.

Leah’s gift as a MirrorMaster lets hertravel to other places, even worlds light years away. That’s how sheaccidentally arrived on Earth thirteen years ago. Now fifteen, she discoversher otherworldly origins--and her ability--through a prophecy foretelling thereturn of a lost MirrorMaster. The youngest in her adoptive family, she’salways had others protecting her. Now, for the sake of billions of lives, shemust protect an entire planet.

Knowing only she can wield the crystalsneeded to activate a device that will stop the apocalypse, Leah leaves behindeveryone and everything she loves on Earth. On Jantyr she discovers a dying yetstill beautiful world and a people who share all they have with each other.Through a desert of singing sands, to a bioluminescent jungle populated bythunderbeasts with razor-sharp teeth, to moving caverns that float above agolden sea, she races to find the crystals before it's too late. If she's goingto succeed in her mission, she must keep the ones responsible for thedevastation from killing her first. But activating the device may require herto sacrifice not only her life, but her soul.

====================================================

#10:THE FORCES OF HEAVEN AND HELL ALIKE

The demon Liam has been hiding a romantic relationship with theangel Mikael for centuries. When a battle for Heaven places them on opposingsides, Liam must decide if a victory for Hell is more important than losing theone being who taught him good and evil aren't easily defined.

Liam enjoys being a demon. He gets to travel the Midwest on hismotorcycle, chartering contracts for souls and feeding his addiction to coffee;a leftover need thanks to the body he now inhabits. He's got a right-hand manwho follows his orders without question and who is more than happy to do mostof the work on their assignments. This allows Liam to have more time forhimself, and more importantly more time to spend with Mikael. Not even theminor annoyance of having to deal with archangel Gabriel's sworn vengeance caninterrupt his life for too long.

Thus far, Gabriel's attacks have been weak and no real threat;more a source of mocking by Liam towards Heaven's less-than-competent solider.But now Heaven's in disarray, after God's gone AWOL, and Gabriel sees theopportunity to take the throne for himself. The death of Liam would surelyprove his worth as a leader, so he takes a new approach to an old problem. Thenext soldier to go up against Liam will be trained by the best teacher inheaven—Mikael. Now the angel must decide how far he can go to protect Liamwhile serving Heaven, and Liam must save him from having to make the choice.

THE FORCES OF HEAVEN AND HELL ALIKE is an 80,000 word completedurban fantasy.

====================================================

#11: REMAINDERS

Sneaking out didn't turn out to be such a good plan after all.

Sixteen-year-old Camryn Brock ends up needing a white knight-stylerescue when a group of drunk guys get some bad ideas. And then a stranger namedChristian saves her. But there's only one problem: he's pretty insistent thatshe not go home.

Trapped at his family’s secluded Maine estate, Camryn discoversChristian is a lot to take in: sixteen, stubborn, sizzling-hot, and oh,yeah--in charge of a group of elite warriors chosen to fight evil.

Camryn shouldn’t fall in love, and she definitely shouldn’t wantto stay--but she does.

She must figure out what the Remainders are hiding, what Christianreally wants with her, and how she’s gonna get her butt back home.

But mainly? Why she fits in so damn well.

REMAINDERS is a YA paranormal romance complete at 85,000 words.

====================================================

#12: THE SECRET LIFE OF LEMONS

If Junie Baltimore had spent more timelistening to the transistor radio in her family's restaurant, she would'veheard the song and known that it was always meant for her.

Junie, a Bon Jovi-obsessedeighteen-year-old, bakes in her parents' restaurant while she for her chance atFood Network fame. When her gorgeous boyfriend dumps her for the former promqueen, her parents whisk her away on a family vacation to North Myrtle Beach,South Carolina. There she stumbles into an adventure with a boy from her childhood,Robert Montgomery, and a single song--a song filled with lucid, beautiful,perfect notes.

A song about her.

By the end of the week, Junie has to makea choice. She wants to hear that song with all perfect notes, the one thatmight change her life forever, but when her ex-boyfriend comes crawling backwith flowers and apologies, she's tempted to give him another chance. Junie hasto discover that the heart is more reliable than it seems, and that with alittle help from Bon Jovi, sometimes it’s now or never. She ain’t gonna liveforever.

THE SECRET LIFE OF LEMONS is a YoungAdult romance with a zest of Anna and the French Kiss and Audrey,Wait!--a kissing kind of book that, at the heart, becomes about those roadsnot taken, and where they might have led. It is complete at 78,000 words.

====================================================

#13: MAX’S HOUSE #1: NEW BEGINNINGS

Max Seward, Jr., thought the summer of 1941 would be the bestsummer ever. His summer vacation starts with the girl he’s always liked finallybecoming his girlfriend. But later that same day, Max’s father announces he’sdivorced his mother, who has disappeared. Everyone in town knew they didn't havethe greatest marriage, but divorce is something scandalous, especially for thetown's wealthiest family.

The very next day Max’s father brings home a strange woman withthree young daughters and announces they’re getting married. The discovery thatthe two of them have been having an affair for years shocks Max and hissiblings, and his new "sisters" are monsters.

Max's cousin Elaine is the new girl in town, and no one butMax’s new girlfriend seems to like her. She also makes an enemy by dating a guywhom Mary, a local girl, has had her eye on. Mary turns half the town againsther--even recruiting the guy's little sister to her cause--in her efforts tobreak the two of them up.

When Max and Elaine are sent home early from the first"family" vacation, they return to a locked mansion, and then… (?)

MAX’S HOUSE #1: NEW BEGINNINGS, the first in a YA series combininghistorical fiction, humor, and social satire, is complete at 60,000 words.

====================================================

#14: BLACK LACE AND THE CLOCK TOWER

Eighteen-year-old Vivienne would rather study the clockworkmechanics in Merlin's tower than perform her duties as Lady Guinevere'slady-in-waiting. She needs the distraction now more than ever—Squire Marcus,with his violet eyes and contagious energy, has captured Vivienne’s heart, buthe's about to take a vow of chastity.

When the king’s sorceress sister, Morgan le Fay, threatens thekingdom, Vivienne must choose: she can help Merlin create the perfect weapon: arevolutionary blend of steam-powered machinery and the mystical science ofalchemy, or she can return Marcus’s declaration of love and run away with him.But if she does, Camelot will lose its only hope--the terrifying weapon thatdwells in the secret catacombs… which only she can awaken.

BLACK LACE AND THE CLOCK TOWER, a YA steampunk romance, iscomplete at 98,000-words.

====================================================

Cover Reveal!

2011-10-30T00:20:00.000-07:00

BETRAYED

Lil isn't just an average teenager. She's one of the Nephilim--the descendants of humans and angels--which gives her some serious psi skills and a mission for redemption. Just when Lil thinks she's found a balance between her normal life with human friends and her training to become a Guardian, she's warned that someone close to her will betray her. When the boy she loves starts acting strangely and one of her human friends acquires a supernatural ability, Lil begins to realize that someone is manipulating the people she loves... and won't stop until she's been lured to the dark side.

Title: Betrayed

Series: Guardian Legacy

Author: Ednah Walters

Publisher: Spencer Hill Press, www.SpencerHillPress.com

ISBN: 978-1-937053-18-5 (Trade Paper), 978-1-937053-19-2 (e-book)

Release Date: June, 2012

We're delighted that Ednah Walters has joined Spencer Hill Press!

The Great Query Contest of October 2011: PART 2

2011-10-28T19:00:00.000-07:00

Thanks to everyone who sent in their queries! Next week, the voting will begin. If you'd like a revised version of your query in the contest, please send it in via email or through the contact from at www.Ganzfield. com.

Happy Weekend!

QUERY CRITIQUE #14: BLACK LACE AND THE CLOCK TOWER

2011-10-27T18:55:00.000-07:00

Dear ____________:

(Personalized)

Eighteen-year-old Vivienne doesn't care for being Guinevere's lady-in-waiting. It’s nothing against the future queen of Camelot; she’s rather lovely. Vivienne would simply rather take to Merlin's tower to learn about the mechanics of clockwork inventions. Especially now that Lancelot's new squire, Marcus, has captured Vivienne’s heart with his violet eyes and contagious energy. As it's a rather painful situation when the object of one's affection is about to take a vow of chastity, the clock tower is by far a preferred distraction.

I think this would work better with a stronger opening hook. I also find the time cues confusing; Lancelot's "new" squire has already captured her heart and made her look for a distraction. I like this premise, though; it's out-of-the-box thinking for both the Camelot myth as well as steampunk, which is largely Victorian.

Dear Ms. Kaynak,

Eighteen-year-old Vivienne would rather study the clockwork mechanics in Merlin's tower than perform her duties as Lady Guinevere's lady-in-waiting. She needs the distraction now more than ever—Squire Marcus, with his violet eyes and contagious energy, has captured Vivienne’s heart, but he's about to take a vow of chastity.

But when the king’s sorceress sister, Morgan le Fay, threatens the kingdom, Vivienne is torn. Cursed by the sorceress, Merlin needs an apprentice’s help to create the perfect weapon: a revolutionary blend of steam-powered machinery and the mystical science of alchemy. Vivienne could help him build it, or she could give up on Camelot, return Marcus’s declaration of love, and run away with him instead. But if Marcus gives up on knighthood, Vivienne would be to blame for the consequences: disaster for Camelot and its only hope, the terrifying weapon that dwells in the secret catacombs, waiting to be awakened.

There's a LOT of info in this paragraph, and it muddles the overall plot. Distill it to the essence.

When the king’s sorceress sister, Morgan le Fay, threatens the kingdom, Vivienne must choose: she can help Merlin create the perfect weapon: a revolutionary blend of steam-powered machinery and the mystical science of alchemy, or she can return Marcus’s declaration of love and run away with him. But if she does, Camelot will lose its only hope--the terrifying weapon that dwells in the secret catacombs… which only she can awaken.

BLACK LACE AND THE CLOCK TOWER, a YA steampunk romance, is complete at 98,000-words.

Thank you,

Sincerely,

I'm intrigued enough with the unique intertwining of themes that I'd ask for pages, so I could see how strong the writing is.

QUERY CRITIQUE #13: MAX’S HOUSE #1: NEW BEGINNINGS

2011-10-26T08:08:00.000-07:00

Dear Ms. Kaynak,

Max Seward, Jr., thought the summer of 1941 would be the best summer ever. His summer vacation starts with his dream come true, the girl he’s always liked finally approaching him and becoming his girlfriend. But later that same day, Max’s father announces he’s divorced Mrs. Seward, who’s nowhere to be found. Everyone in town knows they never exactly had the greatest marriage, but that wasn’t a reason to do something so scandalous as get divorced.

To make matters worse, the very next day Max’s father brings home a strange woman with three young daughters and announces they’re getting married within weeks. Max, his siblings, and his cousin Elaine are scandalized when they learn Mr. Seward has been having a longterm affair with this woman. Not only that, but the girls are monsters.

This sets up the premise, characters, and conflict nicely, but the wording can be tightened a bit. You also repeat versions of "scandalize." Avoid using clichés like "dream come true" and "nowhere to be found." Later on, you mention a "mansion," but I think that if they are living in a mansion, then they aren't just average citizens, and that status should come out sooner.

Max Seward, Jr., thought the summer of 1941 would be the best summer ever. His summer vacation starts with the girl he’s always liked finally becoming his girlfriend. But later that same day, Max’s father announces he’s divorced his mother, who has disappeared. Everyone in town knew they didn't have the greatest marriage, but divorce is something scandalous, especially for the town's wealthiest family.

The very next day Max’s father brings home a strange woman with three young daughters and announces they’re getting married. The discovery that the two of them have been having an affair for years shocks Max and his siblings, and his new "sisters" are monsters.

Elaine, the new girl in town, is meanwhile having problems of her own. As hard as she tries to make friends, no one but Max’s new girlfriend wants to befriend her. She also quickly makes an enemy when she discovers another girl has long had her eye on her new boyfriend. This girl is convinced Elaine maliciously stole him from her, and even enlists his annoying little sister to try to break them up at every turn.

I think that the jealous girl is important enough to the storyline that you might want to mention her name. I'm naming her "Mary" here, just for the example.

Max's cousin Elaine is the new girl in town, and no one but Max’s new girlfriend seems to like her. She also makes an enemy by dating a guy whom Mary, a local girl, has had her eye on. Mary turns half the town against her--even recruiting the guy's little sister to her cause--in her efforts to break the two of them up.

The nightmare culminates in being forced to pack up and take their first summer vacation together as a family after Mr. Seward prematurely comes home from his honeymoon. Max, his older sister, and Elaine can take it no longer and start a fight that gets them sent back home to fend for themselves.

But if Max and Elaine think the nightmare is finally over once they come home, they’re in for more rude surprises. Coming home to a locked mansion, having to enter through the chimney, and finding the water out are only the beginning of one of the most unforgettable summers of their lives.

This next part confuses me as a reader. It includes too much plot details, I think. I'm also confused as to whether Elaine is now living with Max's family, whether Max's father is part of this family vacation, and I'm wondering whether Max is going to look into where his mother has gone, since that seems like a big issue. I also think the details of how they get into a house that doesn't have the water turned on are unnecessary, while the event(s) that make it an "unforgettable" summer should be included.

When Max and Elaine are sent home early from the first "family" vacation, they return to a locked mansion, and then… (?)

MAX’S HOUSE #1: NEW BEGINNINGS, the first in a YA series combining historical fiction, humor, and social satire, is complete at 60,000 words.

There's nothing in the narrative voice of this query that indicates humor or satire. Either bring that out more in the opening paragraphs or cut the description here. I'm also not thrilled with the title, especially with the number in it; perhaps shortening to MAX'S HOUSE would be more compelling.

I have a degree in history from [redacted] and worked in the production room of a local newspaper for five years.

Sincerely,

QUERY CRITIQUE #12: THE SECRET LIFE OF LEMONS

2011-10-25T13:23:00.000-07:00

Dear [Agent],

If Junie Baltimore had spent more time listening to the transistor radio in her family's restaurant, she would've heard the song and known that it was always meant for her.

Junie, a Bon Jovi-obsessed eighteen-year-old, is the next Food Network star waiting for her chance at fame. To pass the time she bakes in her parent’s restaurant, The Baltimore. When her gorgeous boyfriend dumps her for the former prom queen, her parents whisk her away on a family vacation to North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. There she stumbles into an adventure chased by a boy from her childhood, Robert Montgomery, and a single song --- a song about her. A song filled with lucid, beautiful, perfect notes.

I found the time setting hard to pin down in this opening. Transistor radios are out of the 1960s, Bon Jovi is from the 1980s, and the Food Network is present day. I'm not sure the restaurant name is necessary in the query.

Dear [Agent],

If Junie Baltimore had spent more time listening to the transistor radio in her family's restaurant, she would've heard the song and known that it was always meant for her.

Junie, a Bon Jovi-obsessed eighteen-year-old, bakes in her parents' restaurant while she for her chance at Food Network fame. When her gorgeous boyfriend dumps her for the former prom queen, her parents whisk her away on a family vacation to North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. There she stumbles into an adventure with a boy from her childhood, Robert Montgomery, and a single song--a song filled with lucid, beautiful, perfect notes.

A song about her.

By the end of the week, Junie has to make a choice. She wants to hear that song with all perfect notes, the one that might change her life forever, but when her ex-boyfriend comes calling she wants to rekindle that old flame, too. Junie has to discover that heart is more reliable than it seems, and that with a little help from Bon Jovi, sometimes it’s now or never. She ain’t gonna live forever.

The ex-boyfriend dumped her a week before, so he's not really an "old flame." I'm assuming he's groveling or at least contrite; there needs to be some sense that he's worth even considering, since the guy *just* dumped her. I can also tell you that agents and editors are going to see this and immediately think about how they'd be able to get the necessary permissions for you to quote Bon Jovi song lyrics in your book. I have an out-of-the-box suggestion about that—Jon Bon Jovi just opened a charity restaurant, Soul Food, in Red Bank, NJ, and you might contact him with the request for permission to use the lyrics with a promise to donate a portion of your royalties to Soul Food. Since your MC works in a restaurant, it might be a good fit.

By the end of the week, Junie has to make a choice. She wants to hear that song with all perfect notes, the one that might change her life forever, but when her ex-boyfriend comes crawling back with flowers and apologies, she's tempted to give him another chance. Junie has to discover that the heart is more reliable than it seems, and that with a little help from Bon Jovi, sometimes it’s now or never. She ain’t gonna live forever.

THE SECRET LIFE OF LEMONS is a Young Adult romance with a zest of Anna and the French Kiss and Audrey, Wait! --- a kissing kind of book that, at the heart, becomes about those roads not taken, and where they might have led. It is complete at 78,000 words, a semi-finalist in Amazon's Breakthrough Novel Competition in 2010, and a Top Pick on Inkpop.com.

THE SECRET LIFE OF LEMONS is a Young Adult romance with a zest of Anna and the French Kiss and Audrey, Wait!--a kissing kind of book that, at the heart, becomes about those roads not taken, and where they might have led. It is complete at 78,000 words, a semi-finalist in Amazon's Breakthrough Novel Competition, and a Top Pick on Inkpop.com.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Ashley Poston

As long as the song lyrics permissions issue is addressed, I'd ask for pages. This sounds like a great read!

QUERY CRITIQUE #11: REMAINDERS

2011-10-24T18:20:00.000-07:00

Dear Ms. Kaynak,

The first night sixteen-year-old Camryn Brock sneaks out, she runs across a group of drunks hoping to cop a feel. She’s relieved when a stranger named Christian saves her, but relief turns to panic when, instead of taking her home, he claims her as his own prisoner.

Hmmm. I have a couple of problems with this opening: "cop a feel" is a dated cliché; the narrative voice is too mature, and I'm getting a Stephen King creep-out from the guy taking her prisoner in a remote place in Maine. It's not a good vibe for a PNR, especially with an underage protagonist.

Dear Ms. Kaynak,

Sneaking out didn't turn out to be such a good plan after all.

Sixteen-year-old Camryn Brock ends up needing a white knight-style rescue when a group of drunk guys get some bad ideas. And then a stranger named Christian saves her. But there's only one problem: he's pretty insistent that she not go home.

Trapped at his family’s secluded Maine estate, Camryn discovers Christian is a lot to take in: sixteen, stubborn, sizzly hot, and oh, yeah—in charge of the elite chosen to fight evil.

Camryn shouldn’t trust them. Shouldn’t fall in love. Shouldn’t want to stay.

But she does.

This next part has a much better sense of narrative voice. I'm normally not a fan of alliteration in mainstream prose, but the " sixteen, stubborn, sizzling-hot" thing works here.

Trapped at his family’s secluded Maine estate, Camryn discovers Christian is a lot to take in: sixteen, stubborn, sizzling-hot, and oh, yeah--in charge of a group of elite warriors chosen to fight evil.

Camryn shouldn’t fall in love, and she definitely shouldn’t want to stay--but she does.

Camryn must figure out what the Remainders are hiding, what Christian wants with her, and how she’s gonna get her butt back home.

But mainly? Why she fits in so damn good.

This also has that younger narrative voice. However, that "so damn good" is like a nail gun to the forehead for former English majors. There's also a disconnect here; you just said she trusts them, but she has to figure out what they're hiding, which is why I cut the "trust them" line above.

She must figure out what the Remainders are hiding, what Christian really wants with her, and how she’s gonna get her butt back home.

But mainly? Why she fits in so damn well.

REMAINDERS is a YA paranormal romance complete at 85,000 words.

All the best,

I really like the second half of this query, but that original opening was off-putting. If the book's more like the second half, I hope you'll consider querying Spencer Hill.

QUERY CRITIQUE #10: THE FORCES OF HEAVEN AND HELL ALIKE

2011-10-22T16:22:00.000-07:00

Dear Ms. Kaynak,

The demon Liam has been hiding a romantic relationship with the angel Mikael for centuries. When a battle for Heaven places them on opposing sides, Liam must decide if a victory for Hell is more important than losing the one being who taught him good and evil aren't easily defined.

This is an original premise, but be aware that romances with GLBT protagonists are very hard to sell, even in paranormal sub-genres.

Liam enjoys being a demon. He gets to travel the Midwest on his motorcycle, chartering contracts for souls and feeding his addiction to coffee; a leftover need thanks to the body he now inhabits. He's got a right-hand man who follows his orders without question and who is more than happy to do most of the work on their assignments. This allows Liam to have more time for himself, and more importantly more time to spend with Mikael. Not even the minor annoyance of having to deal with archangel Gabriel's sworn vengeance can interrupt his life for too long.

Thus far, Gabriel's attacks have been weak and no real threat; more a source of mocking by Liam towards Heaven's less-than-competent solider. But now Heaven's in disarray, after God's gone AWOL, and Gabriel sees the opportunity to take the throne for himself. The death of Liam would surely prove his worth as a leader, so he takes a new approach to an old problem. The next soldier to go up against Liam will be trained by the best teacher in heaven—Mikael. Now the angel must decide how far he can go to protect Liam while serving Heaven, and Liam must save him from having to make the choice.

This query has a great sense of the conflict and the narrative voice.

THE FORCES OF HEAVEN AND HELL ALIKE is an 80,000 word completed urban fantasy which stands alone, but has series potential. After following your blog and the books of Spencer Hill Press this year, I feel that my novel would be of particular interest to you.

I am a member of the Works in Progress critique group, as well as a beta for the Book Country site, and have learned valuable information from both resources. I graduated from UNC-Chapel Hill in 2001 with a double minor in Religion and Creative Writing and have always been drawn to the interrelationship of the two.

My complete manuscript is available upon request. I can be reached through email at [EMAIL ADDRESS] or by phone at [PHONE NUMBER]. Thank you for your time and I look forward to your response.

Sincerely,

If we published UF at Spencer Hill (since it's not YA, it's out of our scope), I'd request the full manuscript based on this query. It's unique, engaging, and shows your strength as a writer. Well done!

QUERY CRITIQUE #9: MIRRORMASTERS

2011-10-20T12:45:00.000-07:00

Dear Ms. Kaynak,

Leah Ellis has a mission to save her homeworld--if the ones who unleashed the impending apocalypse don’t eliminate her first.

Great hook!

Leah Ellis has a mission to save her homeworld--if the ones who unleashed the impending apocalypse don’t eliminate her first.

Leah’s gift as a MirrorMaster lets her travel to other places, even worlds light years away. That’s how she accidentally arrived on Earth thirteen years ago. At the age of fifteen, she discovers her otherworldly origins, and her ability, through a prophecy foretelling the return of a lost MirrorMaster. The youngest in her adoptive family, she’s always had others protecting her. Now, for the sake of billions of lives, she must protect an entire planet.

Knowing only she can wield the seven crystals needed to activate a device that will stop the apocalypse, Leah leaves behind everyone and everything she loves on Earth. On Jantyr she discovers a dying yet still beautiful world and a people who share all they have with each other. Through a desert of singing sands, to a bioluminescent jungle populated by thunderbeasts with razor-sharp teeth, to floating caverns that move unpredictably above a golden sea, she races to find the crystals before it's too late. If she's going to succeed in her mission, she must keep the ones responsible for the devastation from killing her first. But activating the device may require her to sacrifice not only her life, but her soul.

I did a little tightening.

Leah’s gift as a MirrorMaster lets her travel to other places, even worlds light years away. That’s how she accidentally arrived on Earth thirteen years ago. Now fifteen, she discovers her otherworldly origins--and her ability--through a prophecy foretelling the return of a lost MirrorMaster. The youngest in her adoptive family, she’s always had others protecting her. Now, for the sake of billions of lives, she must protect an entire planet.

Knowing only she can wield the crystals needed to activate a device that will stop the apocalypse, Leah leaves behind everyone and everything she loves on Earth. On Jantyr she discovers a dying yet still beautiful world and a people who share all they have with each other. Through a desert of singing sands, to a bioluminescent jungle populated by thunderbeasts with razor-sharp teeth, to moving caverns that float above a golden sea, she races to find the crystals before it's too late. If she's going to succeed in her mission, she must keep the ones responsible for the devastation from killing her first. But activating the device may require her to sacrifice not only her life, but her soul.

I took out the number "seven;" for some reason it made the story sound too high fantasy, and YA spec-fic tends to tread more lightly. I'm a little hesitant about the capitalization in the middle of MirrorMasters, especially as it's the title; that can cause problems in bookstore computer systems.

THE MIRRORMASTERS is a [word count] contemporary fantasy for young adults. It is a stand-alone book with series potential. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Cordially,

This sounds like it could be a beautiful read! For marketing, I think it might be compared to Graceling or Elemental. From "word count" in brackets, I'm guessing that it's unfinished at this point, but once you've got it polished, you may have something special here.

QUERY CRITIQUE #8: TRIANGLE

2011-10-19T10:33:00.000-07:00

Dear Ms. Kaynak,

The travel brochure promised an ‘escape from reality’. Her sister promised it would be the best family vacation ever. But when seventeen-year-old Autumn Taylor's ship glides into the Bermuda Triangle, her days become a blur of Twilight Zone episodes—and she's the star of the show.

Great opening hook!

The travel brochure promised an "escape from reality." Her sister promised it would be the best family vacation ever. But when seventeen-year-old Autumn Taylor's ship glides into the Bermuda Triangle, her days become a blur of Twilight Zone episodes—and she's the star of the show.

She speaks to her dead father, fights with a stepbrother she doesn't have, and finds herself stuck in the middle of a heated love triangle with a coworker and his half-brother. Waking up with cancer pushes her to the edge of a mental breakdown, sending her to the ship's doctor for help. Dr. Hardy, the only person so far who knows Autumn isn’t crazy, warns her that any of these alternate lives could become permanent—after all, it happened to her during her own trip through the Triangle. Autumn tries to figure out what’s going on, but everyone on the ship, including her sister, accepts each day as if it were the norm. When Autumn returns to the clinic for more answers, she finds the doctor is not on the ship's registry and never has been.

This sounds both original and compelling, I did find the Dr. Hardy sentence a bit convoluted and confusing, though, and I've tightened up a few other spots.

She speaks to her dead father, fights with a stepbrother she doesn't have, and finds herself in a heated love triangle with a coworker and his half-brother. Waking up with cancer pushes her to the edge of a mental breakdown, sending her to the ship's doctor for help. Dr. Hardy warns her that any of these alternate lives could become permanent—which is what happened to her during her own trip through the Triangle. Autumn struggles to figure out what’s going on, while everyone on the ship, including her sister, accepts each day as if it were the norm. When Autumn returns to the clinic for more answers, she finds the doctor was never on the ship's registry.

Now, with no one to help her, Autumn has a few things to figure out: a way out of the Triangle, why she's the only one who's been affected by the strange occurrences, and why this is happening to her. If she can’t get her real life back on track, she may end up spending the next sixty years trapped in a life she was never meant to live.

TRIANGLES is a 59,000 word young adult urban fantasy. This novel is a standalone with series potential.

Thank you for taking the time to consider representing my work. I look forward to hearing from you.

TRIANGLES is a 59,000 word young adult urban fantasy. This novel is a standalone with series potential.

Thank you for taking the time to consider representing my work. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

Polished, professional, and compelling. PLEASE send this to Spencer Hill!

QUERY CRITIQUE #7: THE MESSENGER'S HANDBOOK

2011-10-19T03:01:00.000-07:00

Dear Ms. Kaynak:

I read you are interested in historical fiction and YA. The Messenger's Handbook is a YA romantic time travel thriller complete at 62,000 words.

I suggest starting with the hook.

After teen Madeline is pushed onto the subway tracks, she wakes in 1675 during King Philip's War, the sole survivor of a Native massacre on a colonial settlement. She's rescued and taken back to the colonists' garrison, but she's a modern girl and doesn't fit in. Fanatics would happily hang her as a witch, or for a crime she does commit - falling into a forbidden love with her soulmate, a Native boy. The only way she can get home and save their lives is to confront her fears, train with the Medicine Woman and earn her destiny as a Messenger, a time traveler. But the Hunters, dark souls who are skilled predators as well as time travelers, seek to either recruit or kill her.

"Teen" doesn't strike me as a good descriptor, probably because I don't think current teenagers would use it to self-describe, so it jars against the YA narrative voice. Speaking of narrative voice, this doesn't convey it. The plot sounds compelling, but since this is a YA novel, try to bring a younger feel to this query--a sample of what the book will sound like. I've also added a little specificity of setting, guessing Massachusetts because of the whole puritanical witch-hunt thing.

After sixteen-year-old Madeline is pushed onto the subway tracks, she wakes in 1675, during King Philip's War--the sole survivor of a Native massacre of a settlement in colonial Massachusetts. Rescued and taken back to the colonists' garrison, as a modern girl she knows more about texting than weaving textiles. Her weird behavior starts rumors of witchcraft, and the crime she does commit--falling in love with a Native boy--could also get her killed. The only way she can get home and save both of their lives is train with the Medicine Woman and fulfill her destiny as a Messenger, a time traveler. But the Hunters, dark-souled predators as well as time travelers, are closing in... and they'll kill her if she doesn't join them.

Krill Press published my novel, Cupcakes, Lies, and Dead Guys, a comedic mystery, in November 2010. I marketed the book to over six hundred bakeries, baking and reader sites. Mystery Scene Magazine gave it a shout-out. Although Cupcakes has little bookstore distribution, to date it has sold approximately 7500 copies. I’m working on the next Cupcake novel and additional novels in The Messenger’s Handbook series.

I love this bio info. It really makes you stand out as a published author who will put the effort behind marketing your book. I've made a few minor adjustments and removed the question from the end.

Krill Press published my novel, Cupcakes, Lies, and Dead Guys, a comedic mystery, in November 2010. I marketed the book to over six hundred bakeries, as well as to baking and reader sites. Although Cupcakes has little bookstore distribution, to date it has sold approximately 7500 copies. I’m working on the next Cupcake novel and additional novels in The Messenger’s Handbook series.

I read on your blog that you are interested in historical fiction and YA. The Messenger's Handbook is a YA romantic time travel thriller complete at 62,000 words.

Thank you for your time.

With this query, I'd request a partial to gauge both the YA feel of the narrative voice as well as the sense of how you handle the logistics of time travel. I hope you'll query Spencer Hill in December.

Half-Blood Launch Day!

2011-10-18T10:52:00.000-07:00

If you haven't seen anything about this book yet, I want to congratulate you on escaping the cave where you were being held until now. It's out today! Congrats to Jennifer! There's a bunch of cool stuff happening for launch day, including a live chat tonight (7pm EDT) and a short story from Aiden's POV.

Check everything out through the Facebook fansite:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Spencer-Hill-Press/174325775943930#!/jlarmentrout

There are also a bunch of great reviews out today, about a dozen giveaways, and a whole lot of "woohoo!"

Happy Launch Day!

QUERY CRITIQUE #6: ALL SHE NEEDS IS LOVE

2011-10-17T03:40:00.000-07:00

Dear Ms. Agent,

The little girl?s purpose was to increase her college options. Not take them all away.

This opening line is confusing. I suggest re-wording, since on my first read-through I thought the girl was Emma. It's also problematic that you start in simple past tense and then switch to present tense.

Becoming part of the little girl's life was supposed to increase Emma's college options, not take them all away.

Emma Francis plods down the street, garbage bag in hand. She?s not taking things to Goodwill because she bought a new wardrobe for senior year. It was not a task she was asked to do before she hung out with her best friend Courtney.

The garbage bag holds all her possessions in the world. Every. Last. One.

But Emma is one of the lucky ones. Most foster kids, when the state washes their hands of them at eighteen, have nothing to take to the streets with. Emma has a small apartment above the diner, Shepherd?s Pie, where rent is cheap thanks to her boss, Ms. Shepherd. A friend who?s far more wonderful than she deserves. And a plan: graduate high school, go to college, get a job in marketing.

On her eighteenth birthday, Emma Francis leaves her final foster home, carrying a garbage bag holding all her possessions in the world. But Emma has a plan: graduate high school, go to college, and get a job in marketing.

One little problem. Due to the foster-care-shuffle, Emma hasn?t stayed in one place long enough to put anything on her college applications other than decent grades. Cue community service.

This is too wordy for a query letter, and it's full of clichés ("washes their hands of them," etc.). Also, a lot of it is tangential to the heart of the story. Emma has aged out of the foster care system and is working hard to make a future for herself. As a high school senior, she finds out that good grades aren't enough to get into a good college, so she does some community service as a Big Sister. She thought it would just be a time commitment; she didn't expect to get emotionally involved.

Courtney suggests she volunteer at her church and it is there she meets Gigi, a blonde hair, blue eyed, opinionated little girl, who is more than willing to be Emma?s charity case. What?s supposed to be an ice cream every couple weeks, turns into an unexplained desire to make sure Gigi?s happy.

We don't need to know about Ms. Shepherd, Courtney, etc. Stick to Emma, Gigi, and Sam for the query.

One little problem: due to the foster-care-shuffle, Emma hasn't stayed in one place long enough to put anything on her college applications other than decent grades. Cue community service.

Volunteering at her church, she meets Gigi, an opinionated little girl who is more than willing to be Emma's charity case. What's supposed to be an ice cream every couple weeks turns into an unexplained desire to make sure Gigi's happy.

As Gigi wiggles her way under Emma?s hard shell, someone else pokes at the cracks. Sam saves Emma from an assault behind the diner. He morphs from friend, to special friend to boyfriend so slowly Emma doesn?t realize her guard is down. And he?s by her side as they go through Homecoming, football season and college planning.

Emma discovers there is a soft, chocolaty center under her hard candy coating and though it terrifies her, she?s willing to give Sam a shot. Everything in her life is going great, she even knows the college she?s going to attend, four states away.

I love the chocolatey center image. This is where I started loving this query.

As Gigi wiggles her way under Emma's hard shell, someone else pokes at the cracks. Sam saves Emma from an assault, and he morphs from friend, to special friend, to boyfriend so slowly Emma doesn't realize her guard is down. Emma discovers there is a soft, chocolatey center under her hard candy coating and though it terrifies her, she's willing to give Sam a shot. Everything in her life is going great; she even knows the college she's going to attend.

Then Gigi?s sorry excuse for a father kills himself in a drunk driving accident, leaving the little girl without family. Gigi is headed for the foster system unless someone steps in and saves her.

Is Emma willing to change everything, at the age of eighteen, to save Gigi from the life she led?

Avoid rhetorical questions in queries; agents tend to loathe them.

All She Needs is Love is Contemporary YA and closes at ???62,000 words. A complete manuscript is available upon request.

Then Gigi's sorry excuse for a father kills himself in a drunk driving accident, leaving the little girl without family. Gigi is headed for the foster system unless someone steps in and saves her. Emma must decide if she's willing to change everything she's got planned to save Gigi from the life she led.

ALL SHE NEEDS IS LOVE is Contemporary YA and is complete at 62,000 words.

The first half of this query didn't really move me, but by the end I was excited to read this book. However, many agents and editors don't read the entire query unless they're hooked from the start.

I am a twenty five year old, Chemical Engineer by degree who has found a stronger calling as a fiction writer and singer in a classic rock band. The inspiration for All She Needs is Love comes from my experience as a Big Sister in the Big Brothers, Big Sisters program.

This last bit is an excellent example of a good piece of personal info to include in a query.

I am a Chemical Engineer by degree who's found a stronger calling as a fiction writer and classic rock singer. The inspiration for ALL SHE NEEDS IS LOVE comes from my experience as a Big Sister in the Big Brothers Big Sisters program.

QUERY CRITIQUE #5: SACRIFICE

2011-10-16T10:39:00.000-07:00

Dear Agent?s Name,

Beware of smart quotes and em-dashes from MS Word; they often don't translate through emails very well.

Dear Agent's Name,

In one horrific night, Ava Shore loses everything. After discovering the truth about her father's death and witnessing the murder of her mother, she sees the government for who they really are--coldblooded killers on a mission to uncover the whereabouts of a powerful blue stone. She flees across The River to The Burbs, a part of the country reserved for the worst criminals, where she joins the most notorious gang in return for their protection.

I've moved the heart of the action to the beginning here, but I'm thrown by this last sentence--the entire government is looking for one stone? I'd think this would be more plausible as a secret police or covert ops kind of thing. It also makes this sound more like a query for a fantasy story than a dystopian one.

The lights across The River beckon her to return. But Ava knows the mile-wide abyss is one she should never cross. He will get her if she does.

In one horrific night, Ava Shore loses everything. After discovering the truth about her father?s death and witnessing the murder of her mother, she sees the government for who they really are. Coldblooded killers on a mission to uncover the whereabouts of a powerful blue stone.

Ava should have died with her mother. Instead, for reasons unknown, she is spared the same fate. But when she uncovers a plot to assassinate the leader of her country and her attempt to foil it fails, she has no choice but to run for her life. She flees across The River to The Burbs, a part of the country reserved for the worst criminals, where she joins the most notorious gang in return for their protection.

I'd cut the line about how Ava should've died--it comes across like a plot hole. I'm also confused; her mother is killed by the government, but she tries to stop the assassination of its leader? I'd think she'd be on-board with that.

Surrounded by murder and deceit Ava resists becoming the person everyone thinks she is, ?The Crownkiller?. The simplistic wisdom and love from a gang member assists her in discovering herself and accepting her situation. But when a friend?s life is threatened in an attempt to ensure her capture, Ava sacrifices everything to save him.

Sacrifice is a 96,000 word YA dystopic adventure novel perfect as a standalone but with series potential. A complete copy is available upon request.

"Simplistic" wisdom doesn't sound too compelling.

The lights across The River beckon her to return. But Ava knows the mile-wide abyss is one she should never cross. He will get her if she does.

Surrounded by murder and deceit, Ava resists becoming the person everyone thinks she is, "The Crownkiller." The wisdom and love of a gang member assists her in discovering herself and accepting her situation. But when a friend's life is threatened by an attempt to capture her, Ava sacrifices everything to save him.

Sacrifice is a 96,000 word YA dystopian novel perfect as a standalone but with series potential. A complete copy is available upon request.

I am a twenty five year old, Chemical Engineer by degree who?s found a stronger calling as a fiction writer and classic rock singer. Sacrifice is one of three complete manuscripts I have written, all for the YA market.

I am a Chemical Engineer by degree who's found a stronger calling as a fiction writer and classic rock singer. Sacrifice is one of three complete manuscripts I have written, all for the YA market.

Thank you for your time and consideration and I look forward to hearing from you.

Thank you for your time and consideration; I look forward to hearing from you.

QUERY CRITIQUE #4: THREADS

2011-10-15T08:18:00.000-07:00

Dear Ms. Kaynak,

I have been enjoying your blog. I hope you will be interested in my urban fantasy manuscript.

I suggest moving this down to the end, so you can get to the hook immediately.

“It was as if reality had cracked down the middle like a badly made clay pot, and all her assumptions of what was real and normal were leaking out the bottom.”

I love this image, but I'm actually going to tell you something that may be a bit of a shock to you—this doesn't sell your writing. Why not? Because it's got a lot of passive voice ("It was" and "was ---ng"). As an editor, I see this and assume that your entire manuscript is written in this style. So, this may be a scary thought, but you might need to go through and revise the entire book before you query for it.

Yeah, that's a scary thought. But I put it here to give you the insight into how to get your book published. Lots of passive voice and/or excessive adverbs get manuscripts rejected, but if you cut them and make the writing more intense and immediate, you'll stand out as professional-caliber.

“Her reality cracked down the middle like a badly made clay pot, and all her assumptions of what was real and normal leaked out the bottom.”

When Alice Cunningham, a shy nineteen year old fresh out of high school learns she’s inherited her eccentric great Aunt’s vacuum cleaner shop, she isn’t particularly impressed. But when she visits the shop it starts to change before her eyes. Is she going crazy? Her aunt’s old employee has some wild stories to tell, about the shop, its customers, and even Alice herself…

When nineteen-year-old Alice Cunningham learns she’s inherited her eccentric great Aunt’s vacuum cleaner shop, she isn’t particularly impressed. But when she visits the shop it changes (into…?). Her aunt’s old employee has some wild stories to tell about the shop, its customers, and even Alice herself…

Give the reader more of a sense of what happens in the shop as it changes, so we know we're dealing with magic--and cool-to-read-about magic at that. Also, avoid clichés like "before her eyes."

Eventually Alice begins to enjoy herself. Learning magic is pretty fun, and the fact that the shop can move anywhere in the world is pretty awesome. Until she meets Alexie Ambrose, local Greek titan-turned-pop star. Ambrose shows an interest in Alice, one that quickly turns into a dangerous obsession. It becomes apparent that he wants her for more then her sparkling personality and good looks, and he’s not letting her go until he gets what he wants…

Alice sheds her shy reserve as she enters her new life. Learning magic is fun, and the fact that the shop can move anywhere in the world is pretty awesome… until she meets Alexie Ambrose, Greek titan-turned-pop star. Ambrose's interest in Alice turns into a dangerous obsession. He wants her for more then her sparkling personality and good looks, and he’s not letting her go until he gets what he wants…

Try to cut back on adverb use; it's a warning sign for editors and agents. I've also made tightened up some of the wording ("It was…" or "there were…" can almost always be made into more active prose), and turned the sentence fragment into a dependent clause.

“Threads” is “Ella Enchanted” meets “Mr.Magorium’s Wonder Emporium”. It tells the story of a young woman who goes from wall flower, to powerful female.

"Threads" is complete at 100,000 words.

Titles can be in all-caps or in italics. All-caps is the safer bet, given some of the email formatting problems. I also suggest either using different comp titles or emphasizing that your story is like these two "but all grown up," since these are both younger YA/MG-aimed stories. Alternatively, you could pitch it as a YA story, although editors might ask you to revise your MC's age down to 16 or so. If your book's pretty clean, sex and language-wise, this might be a way to go.

Threads is Ella Enchanted meets Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium. Complete at 100,000 words, it tells the story of a young woman who goes from wallflower to powerful female.

I have been enjoying your blog. I hope you will be interested in my urban fantasy manuscript.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

XXXX

This premise intrigues me, and I'd ask for a partial to get a sense of the writing strength. I hope that the comments above are taken in the spirit I gave them--as a way to help you get this book published, and I hope you'll consider querying this to Spencer Hill this December.

QUERY CRITIQUE #3: SPRING TIDE

2011-10-13T09:56:00.000-07:00

(Original in blue; revisions in red, and comments in black)

Dear Ms. Kate Kaynak

Dear Ms. Kaynak,

When using Mr. or Ms. in the salutation, don't include the first name.

I am a huge fan of author Jennifer Armentrout and Spencer Hill Press. I believe my paranormal YA novel may be a good fit for your list.

I moved the personalized info down to the end, but it's great to include it. Agents and editors wil know that you've done your research and are sending them something that fits.

All sixteen year old Sarah Parker has to do is attend a party Friday night, pretend she's having fun and hope to catch a glimpse of her long time crush, Marcus David.

Instead she saves the party's host from near death, battles an alien called an "Outsider" and wakes up in hospital. So much for kicking butt.

All sixteen year old Sarah Parker has to do is attend a party Friday night, pretend she's having fun, and hope to catch a glimpse of her long time crush, Marcus David. Instead she saves the party's host from near death, battles an alien called an "Outsider," and wakes up in the hospital.

So much for kicking butt.

I love the sense of narrative voice that comes through in these opening lines. I've made a couple of minor changes--adding Oxford commas and switching around the paragraph breaks to emphasize the final line. I added a "the" before "hospital" to Americanize the terminology, which might be inaccurate if the story is set in Britain.

Even though the entire school thinks she's a freak, hunkilicious Marcus still hangs out with Sarah. Sarah hopes her crush will soon turn into something more...but soon discovers Marcus has a few secrets of his own. Like he's always around to protect her when the Outsiders return.

Even though the entire school thinks she's a freak, hunkalicious Marcus still hangs out with Sarah. Sarah hopes her crush will turn into something more... but soon discovers Marcus has a few secrets of his own--like the reason he's always around to protect her when the Outsiders return.

I removed the repeated "soon" from the middle sentence and revised the ending, since the fragment was a bit ambiguous, and I changed the spelling of "hunkalicious," although I'm not 100% sure there IS a correct spelling (although there should be).

When Marcus is accused of murdering a fellow student, Sarah must decide whether love is worth fighting for while unravelling the mystery of her own destiny.

I don't think the last sentence really gives the sense of intensity of the conflict. It's not that she needs to decide whether or not to fight; it's HOW she chooses to do these things. I took a guess as to that; feel free to revise if I'm off-base.

When Marcus is accused of murdering a fellow student, Sarah must fight to clear his name while unravelling the mystery of her own destiny.

I am a huge fan of author Jennifer Armentrout and Spencer Hill Press. I believe my paranormal YA novel may be a good fit for your list.

Spring Tide is complete at 55,000 words.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

Sheritha

Well done! This query makes me want to read more. If we'd gotten it at Spencer Hill, I would've asked for pages. And, ahem, we open to queries on December 1st.

QUERY CRITIQUE #2: OUT OF THE WATER

2011-10-12T07:13:00.000-07:00

(Original in blue; revisions in red, and comments in black)

Dear Ms. [Agent],

I suggest opening with a hook about the story to grab the agent immediately. The personalized info is an EXCELLENT addition, though, and will be an asset in any query (so long as it's accurate and/or not accidentally sent to the wrong person!). And I'm torn as to where to put in the mention of the 15th century setting, since any direct mention (e.g., "The year is 1491") just seems to bring the action to a jerking halt. I put it down with the personal info, but I'm still not 100% happy with it.

Eighteen-year-old Rosa becomes separated from her family as they flee their Spanish homeland--and the Inquisition. Now her life is in the hands of a stranger, Baha, an artist from the Ottoman Empire. He is her one hope of reaching Constantinople and reuniting with her family. As they travel together, Rosa's drive to find her loved ones is matched by a deepening desire for the man at her side.

[Personal info stating why I chose the agent], you might find my historical romance, set in the 15th century during the Inquisition, a good fit for your interests.

OUT OF THE WATER, complete at 120,000 words, is the story of 18-year-old Rosa, exiled from her Spanish homeland by the Inquisition and separated from her family as they flee their home. Now her life is in the hands of a stranger, Baha, an artist from the Ottoman Empire. He is her one hope of reaching Constantinople and reuniting with her family. As they travel together, Rosa's drive to find her loved ones is matched by a deepening desire for the man at her side.

Despite her family's refusal to accept her marriage to a man of a different faith, when janissaries arrest her father and brother, Rosa and Baha risk everything to rescue them. Together they will prove that their love can withstand their differences.

If the Grand Vizier doesn't throw them both into the dungeons first.

I tightened this second part up a bit, but it's got all the great stuff: forbidden love, a quest, danger--I'm very interested in reading more.

Despite her family's refusal to accept her marriage to a man of a different faith, when janissaries arrest her father and brother, Rosa and Baha risk everything to rescue them. Together they will prove that their love can withstand their differences... if the Grand Vizier doesn't throw them both into the dungeons first.

I have lived and worked in both Istanbul and Kuşadası, Turkey. My non-fiction work, including travel articles, book reviews and personal essays, has most recently appeared in the trilingual (English, French, and Turkish) newspaper Bizim Anadolu. Initial drafts of OUT OF THE WATER were revised through participation in author Barbara Rogan's invitation-only Next Level Workshop.

OUT OF THE WATER is complete at 120,000 words. [Personalized info stating why I chose the agent], you might find my 15th century historical romance a good fit for your interests.

I have lived and worked in Turkey, and my non-fiction work, including travel articles, book reviews and personal essays, has appeared in the trilingual (English, French, and Turkish) newspaper Bizim Anadolu. Initial drafts of OUT OF THE WATER were revised through participation in author Barbara Rogan's invitation-only Next Level Workshop.

Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,

[name]

QUERY CRITIQUE #1: NOCTURNE

2011-10-11T03:31:00.000-07:00

Here's how this works; I've put the original in blue; the revisions in red, and my comments in black. The authors have a chance to revise and resubmit before the voting begins.

Dear Ms. [Agent],

Betrayed by his family and by love, seventeen-year-old Gabriel Durante has no one to turn to but the demon he serves. Now a high school dropout, Gabriel haunts the streets of San Francisco and collects souls from the dead so his demon, Moira, can feed on their energy.

This is a GREAT hook! I wouldn't change a word of this opening.

But one night, Moira causes a disastrous fire that kills the brother of Ana?a spunky, sixteen-year-old fashionista. When Ana accuses him of being responsible, Gabriel tries to scare her away, only to find himself wanting to devour her soul?a sign that he?s becoming a demon himself.

I like the sense of conflict here, as well as the potential for a love interest, but I feel that the way Ana is introduced is a bit clunky. Also, make sure you use standard HTML for the characters; MS Word smart quotes and em-dashes don't translate so well in email; the trick is to mail yourself an email with the pasted version, then copy the entire query into a new email and replace the characters that didn't format properly.

After Moira causes a disastrous fire that kills a man, Ana, the victim's 16-year-old sister, seeks out Gabriel. Gabriel tries to scare her away, only to find himself wanting to devour her soul--a sign that he's becoming a demon himself.

Gabriel finds out that the only way for him to become human again is to kill Moira. But he can?t do it alone. He must team up with Ana and the Angel of Death to kill Moira by the end of the month?or die trying.

This sets up the conflict nicely, although the "end of the month" seems a bit arbitrary.

Gabriel finds out that the only way to become human again is to kill Moira. But he's nearly out of time and he can't do it alone. He must team up with Ana and the Angel of Death to kill the demon--or die trying.

NOCTURNE is a YA Urban Fantasy complete at 95,000 words.

Sincerely,
[contact info here]

This is a WONDERFUL query! If we'd received this at Spencer Hill, we would request pages. Notice how well this brief letter gives a sense of the main characters and the conflict.

Thanks for giving us such a great start to the query contest, Lyla!

RIP Steve Jobs

2011-10-08T06:14:00.001-07:00

2011-10-06T03:32:00.000-07:00

Parallel inspiration. This artistic work (art? architecture? interior decorating?) is called "Ganzfield."

Random Fun

2011-10-06T03:10:00.000-07:00

The Great Query Contest of October 2011

2011-10-05T05:46:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the Great Query Contest!
Please post your query below as a comment by midnight Sunday, October 16th.

The rules:

Post a query for a novel-length work of fiction in any of the following genres: young adult, new adult, paranormal romance, urban fantasy, science fiction, and chick lit. Genre-crossing or mixed genres are fine, too, so long as your mix hits at least one of the listed genres. While you should never query agents until your book is complete and has been polished through several revisions, this contest is aimed at helping writers improve their work, so feel free to enter if your work is still at an early stage.

By posting, you agree that I may re-post your query (in whole or in part) for the critique and the subsequent contest.

You may post only one query per book, but you may post additional entries for additional books.

No links or attachments, please!

Your query may be in any style. You do not need to follow the query writing suggestions I posted earlier this week if you feel that your letter will be stronger if you write it another way.

Your query letter must be suitable for online readers (high school age and older)--even if your book isn't.

Once the first round of the contest ends, you'll have a chance to revise and resubmit your query letter, and we'll put these newly-polished gems to a public vote. The winner will receive a ~~vicious mauling~~ partial critique of the first 30 pages of his/her manuscript by yours truly.

Questions? Comments? Just ask below. You can also use the contact form at Ganzfield.com.

Let the games begin... and may the odds be ever in your favor. :)

Writing Query Letters 101 Redux

2011-10-04T03:24:00.000-07:00

I first posted this on September 10th, 2011:

Many people in the literary blogosphere have posted about what to put in a good query letter. Here's what I've learned:

It's not a book report, so don't just summarize the plot. Think about writing jacket copy, the description on the back that makes browsers buy books in bookstores. Write something that makes people go, "Ooh--I'd like to read that."
Keep the bio short (about 1-2 sentences), especially for fiction manuscripts. Only elaborate if your life experiences are relevant to the subject, e.g., if your book's about life in the military, mention that you were in the military.
Tailor your submissions to the specific agent or publisher. If they ask for the first five pages, send the first five pages. If they only accept e-queries, don't send them paper. Make sure that you write the agent's actual last name, and call them Mr. or Ms. (and try to pick the right one). Only submit queries to people who represent books in your genre, or you're just wasting everyone's time.
Include the basic information about your work, such as genre and word count.
Don't query a work of fiction until the manuscript is complete AND has been through several revisions.

So, those are some of the basics, and most agents and publishers seem to agree with them. Now, I'll give you my own opinion. Keep in mind that I'm not an agent, but this is what I did with Minder, and I had a great response rate from this query format.

OPENINGS - Start with a hook. Think about your book and what is most compelling about it... or most compelling about the opening or the premise. DON'T start with a rhetorical question.

Dear Ms. Agent,

Sixteen-year-old Maddie Dunn doesn't know how Del and his two friends died. She just knows that she killed them.

SETTING AND PLOT - Give a basic overview of where this takes place and what the conflict is.

*BTW, this contains minor spoilers for Minder. Skip over the blue section if you want to be surprised. *

When you query, don't worry about giving spoilers to agents. Agents usually hate it more when someone gets cutesy and says, "...and if you want to know what happens next, you'll need to read the manuscript." Try to put as much of your narrative voice as you can into these sentences, since they'll give the agent his/her first impression of your style. However, keep them in third-person, simple-past tense, even if your story is told in first-person.

Ganzfield is a training facility full of people like her; they're called G-positives. It's not exactly a nurturing place; the top clique uses mind-control to humiliate the low-status geeks, and Maddie doesn't know yet where she fits in the pecking order.

Trevor can move things with his mind, but that isn't what draws Maddie to him. He slays the personal demons that haunt her dreams, and the two of them connect on a magical level. When someone kidnaps him, she'll do whatever it takes to get him back.

BIO - Keep it short and sweet. If you've previously published something relevant to your current project and/or won any awards for your writing, include that info here--but don't pad this with irrelevant info. So, if you're pitching a fiction manuscript, mention any published novels or short stories. Don't mention the letter to the editor that your local paper printed, being editor-in-chief on your High School yearbook, or your Master's thesis. Don't include info about your family, your current job, your cat, etc., unless they directly relate to the topic of your book.

I attended Yale and Rutgers Universities, earning three psychology degrees. I drew on this background to create a realistic scenario for G-positives and for the effects of their abilities.

CONCLUSION - Give the genre, word count, etc. If you have a personal connection to the agent, this is a good place to mention it, e.g., "I read your blog," "We met at the BackSpace Conference," "If you ever want to see your guinea pig alive again," --whatever your connection may be.

MINDER is a YA paranormal romantic thriller with strong elements of violence and sensuality. It is complete at 70,000 words. Please let me know if you want to see more.

REMEMBER TO INCLUDE YOUR NAME AND CONTACT INFO!

*************************************************************

I first posted this a year ago, but I wanted to give the information again because... THE QUERY CONTEST STARTS TOMORROW! In the words of David Letterman, "Call the neighbors and wake the kids." Free query critiques! Please spread the word throughout the blogosphere; the more entries we have, the better--we'll have more examples to show what works... and what makes editors and agents cringe.

Spencer Hill Press

2011-10-03T02:59:00.000-07:00

We started Spencer Hill Press with a mission: to grow the careers of talented new authors who weren't getting noticed by the major publishers. Now half of our authors have agents and our books are being translated into several languages and showing up on the shelves in the big chain bookstores. We even have a little promo spot that we made up to help spread the word that we're opening to queries as of December 1st:

More of the Funny

2011-09-30T03:23:00.000-07:00

WARNING: This won't leave a good taste in your brain, but it WILL help you to remember to use the Oxford comma (between the final two items in a list, along with the "and").

Thanks to Stephanie for this link.

Happy Weekend!

Random and Funny

2011-09-29T05:15:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Stephanie for the link.

Pirates

2011-09-28T03:08:00.000-07:00

As said on Facebook yesterday:

Dear Book Pirates:
Taking the stuff we worked months on and passing it around to strangers without paying us doesn't make you a good person. You're not stealing from a faceless corporation; you're stealing from a small group of authors and editors who won't be able to continue putting out the kinds of books you love if people don't pay them for their efforts. We're not asking a lot--a few dollars buys you hours of reading enjoyment, and the legal versions all have sharing enabled, so you can share your copy with your real friends and family. So please, knock it off.

Long story short, don't download books from "sharing" sites. You're hurting real people.

Gay in YA

2011-09-27T03:57:00.000-07:00

There's a bit of a controversy going on right now about the role of gay characters and gay relationships in YA fiction.

http://blogs.publishersweekly.com/blogs/genreville/?p=1519

http://www.dystel.com/2011/09/de-gaying-ya/

Personally, I'm comfortable with gay characters and gay relationships portrayed the same way straight YA characters and relationships are. But I also can see why agents and publishers might think it could hurt sales in the heartland. And I like the idea that it's out there, available, for people who DO want to read stories with gay characters. People are free to write what they want without fear of being censored or persecuted. And people are free to NOT read it, as well.

Many years ago, I did a fundraiser for Lambda Legal (a nonprofit that provides legal protections to members of the GLBT community). I got the most vitriolic, nasty, and poorly spelled hate mail I have ever seen.

So I think it comes down to this: the people who would be most offended these days may well be the least likely to be reading books in the first place.

What do you think?

Mind-Reading: For Real

2011-09-26T03:01:00.000-07:00

Cognitive mapping is now getting so good that researchers are beginning to recreate the images in a subject's visual cortex--basically pulling an image out of someone's brain. Cool, huh?

Read the full article here:
http://www.dailytech.com/Researchers+One+Step+Closer+to+MindReading+with+Brain+Imaging+Research/article22822.htm