One-Liners

There's a great line in Laurie Faria Stolarz's WHITE IS FOR MAGIC. When the MC confesses to kissing the so-called "witch-boy," her friend says:

"Was it magically delicious?"

I'm cracking up right now just remembering it.

Great one-liners I'll probably never get a chance to use in real-life:

(WARNING: Some of the following material may contain traces of blasphemy. If you are allergic, please avoid contact).

When carrying a corpse:
"You just want me for my body."

To Jesus:
"Close that door! Were you born in a barn?"

Also:
"Hey Jesus! You just think you're God's gift, don't you?"

And here are a couple that I actually have used:

Explaining why agents need to make sure that the writer they might rep isn't crazy:
"Writing is one of the things you can do from the comfort of your own tin-foil hat."

"I'd commit hari kari right now, but the carpet in here is just too nice."

Got any great one-liners you've never been able to use? Share 'em here!