Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Novel Pitch #12: OUT OF THE WATER
Title: Out of the Water
Author: Deniz Bevan
Genre: Historical romance, set in 1492
Word Count: 100,000
Exiled from her Spanish homeland by the Inquisition and separated from her family as they flee their home, 18 year old Rosa must place her life in the hands of a stranger from the Ottoman Empire. Baha, estranged from his own father and returning to his homeland after ten years, is her one hope of reaching Constantinople and reuniting with her family. The fact that he's attractive and tender is an unexpected pleasure.
As they travel together, her burning drive to be reunited with her loved ones is matched by a deepening desire for the man at her side -- but all too soon they may run out of time to be together. Rosa's family will likely not accept her marriage to a man of different faith, let alone one who has been renounced by his family. Yet before she can even introduce them, their reunion is cut short by the arrest of her father and brother at the hands of the Sultan's Grand Vizier. Rosa and Baha are the only ones that can rescue them, and together prove that their love can withstand their differences.
The Good: I'm drawn in by the historical setting and the sense of danger in this. The opening is strong, and I want to read more.
Suggestions: Spell out her age, rather than using the digits, and use "who" instead of "that" when referring to people ("...who can rescue them"). I get the sense that this is a relatively clean romance; if it has steamy scenes, give a sense of that with a line of "what his touch on her skin does to her" or something, just so the reader can place the book in the right sub-genre. That's about it. Seriously, I'm reading through it again, looking for something else to mention as a flaw.
Nope--I got nothing. This is a HUGE improvement from the first version you posted.
BOTTOM LINE: Very, VERY marketable! Well done, Deniz!