Query Critique #20

Query #20 - lsmurphy

Dear Awesome Agent, 

That's _Ms._ Awesome Agent to you! Only my friends get to call me Awesome.  :) 

Quincy Amarante’s only goal in life is to be the “It” girl of Rancho Valley High and she’s determined not to let a little thing like the afterlife get in the way. Unfortunately, Destiny has other plans. He shows up on her sixteenth birthday to ruin it with the news that she’ll become the fifth grim reaper. 

I'm hooked, but then again, I loved the show Dead Like Me. I just have a couple of tightening suggestions. 

Quincy Amarante’s only goal in life is to be the “It” girl of Rancho Valley High and she’s determined not to let a little thing like the afterlife get in the way. Unfortunately, Destiny has other plans when he ruins her sixteenth birthday with the news that she’ll become the fifth grim reaper. 

 

Forced to learn the family business from a crabby dead relative, Quincy struggles to keep her status even while her priorities shift from who she wants to be to who she really is. After getting swept off her feet by the hot new guy in school, Quincy discovers that her romantic ideals are just another illusion to overcome. With her world unraveling one carefully placed thread at a time, she loses her best friend, falls in love with the last person she expected, and must make a decision that could cost her the most precious thing in the world: her life. 

Watch the clichés like "swept off her feet." 

Forced to learn the family business from a crabby dead relative, Quincy struggles to keep her social status even while her priorities shift from who she wants to be to who she really is. After things with hot new guy in school don't turn out the way she expected, Quincy discovers that her romantic ideals are just another illusion to overcome. With her world unraveling one carefully placed thread at a time, she loses her best friend, falls in love with the last person she expected, and must make a decision that could cost her the most precious thing in the world: her life. 

 

REAPER is complete at 66,000 words and is for young adults who enjoy urban fantasy. 

Sincerely, 

XXX XXXX

This is an interesting premise, and I'd ask for pages.