LOL Log Line

Their job was to repossess organs, until he needed one. Now,
everyone wants a piece of him …

REPO-MEN.

Yup. Real movie. ROTFL.

OK, contest time. I want your funniest log-line. Fake or real. Book or movie. You're in control. Have fun, and make me laugh. Amusing content, bad puns, hilarious premise - whatever blows your skirt up.

Submit your entry in the comments section. I'll pick the best one submitted by midnight (eastern time) Friday, March 12th. Enter as often as you like.

Prize!
Bragging rights, and your choice of one of the following:
A query critique
A critique of the first 15 pages of your manuscript (book, movie, etc.)
A dozen homemade chocolate chip cookies, personally baked by me
A signed copy of MINDER, when they're finally printed (I'll probably have ARCs in May)
A JPEG of my freakishly large cat, Mustafa, with dazzling Photoshop effects

Disclaimer: I'll ship the book or cookies only within the U.S. If you live elsewhere, you'll have to pick one of the other prizes.

Wicked Talented

Hi folks,

Amazement: it washes warmly over me. A smile lights my face. This past week, I've been so impressed with the TALENTS that some people have.

I just finished reading the novel of another unpublished writer, and it was as-good-or-better than the stuff on the shelves at Borders.

I have the sample sketch from the artist who accepted the commission for the book trailer art.

I've had the book trailer soundtrack song stuck in my head, and I'm still enjoying it.

The talent of these people! Amazing! And yet, none of them has hit it big -- yet. But their work stands out from that of their peers. They have the first parts of the formula: they have the raw talents, and they've been working at their crafts.

They still need the second half: the drive to keep trying, and the luck to get their work in front of the people who can do something about getting it out to the big, wide world.

So, you know who you are. Don't give up. Keep writing/drawing/making music. You are GREAT!

And, someday, I'll brag about how I knew you before you were famous.

Woo hoo!

I am SO psyched. I'm "filled with psych-osity," as Rennison might have written in ANGUS, THONGS, AND FULL-FRONTAL SNOGGING. Did anyone know that had been turned into a movie? I am so psyched that it's sending me off on tangents involving random British YA novels.

Anyhoo, I have an artist doing AWESOME stills for the book trailer, and a FANTASTIC soundtrack song to accompany them. I have a wonderfully perfectionistic editor polishing MINDER until I can see my face in it. I have a marketing maven developing a plan for getting the word out. I have the forms to add a small press to my existing business in New Hampshire. I have a printer and distributor. I have cover art. I'm getting the ISBN.

And I have a tentative publication date in June, 2010.

That's right, dudes and dude-ettes, MINDER is going to be published this summer!

Unless something happens, good or bad.
Good = one of the agents still looking at pages offers representation.
Bad = one of the several dozen scenarios that wake me in a cold sweat at 3am.

But those are unlikely, as I am running this operation with MILITARY PRECISION. I am frikkin' INVADING the literary world! Cue "Defying Gravity" from WICKED, 'cuz:

"They're NEVER gonna bring ME DOWN!"

Last Call for Artists!

Wow! I've gotten some sample work back, and I am giddy with excitement.

If you planned to send me a sample still, please do so by midnight Sunday, March 7th. Details are at : http://thedisgruntledbear.blogspot.com/2010/02/any-artists-out-there.html

Yay! This pretty much captures my mood today:

On the Road Again

Hi folks,

I'll be traveling and doing some business training for the next few days. I'll be back by the end of the week.

Disgruntled Bear Press

I'm working through the kinks of self-publishing. I'm looking into professional editors. I have a couple of artists sending sample work for the book trailer and publicity materials. I have a cover design. I'm talking to a marketing person today.

Now I'm thinking about how I print the books. I'm going to use a POD service like Lulu or CreateSpace, but POD isn't sexy. There's nothing to list when the form calls for "Publisher." So, should I start my own publishing company?

On the plus side, I already have an LLC here in New Hampshire, so adding a service like publishing is easy. And it doesn't change the costs or anything. I enjoyed reading and editing the queries and partials in my recent contest, too. Maybe I should start my own press, for both my own work and other YA fantasy books. I've googled a bunch of names for it, and right now I'm considering something like "Spencer Hill Press," since some of my favorites are already taken. (e.g., "Grimoire Press," which I liked for YA fantasy books because our slogan could have been "There's magic in these pages.")

What do you think? Does it make a difference to you if a book lists a publisher or not? What do you think of the name "Spencer Hill Press?" Got any suggestions?

Show, Don't Tell

I've been editing my own books and critiquing several other people's over the past few weeks. There's one saying that keeps coming back to me:

SHOW, DON'T TELL

What does this mean?

Well, I'll tell you.

No, wait, I'll show you.

Tell: Kate felt angry.
Show: Kate's gut clenched, and she suddenly wanted to hit him.

Showing makes everything more vivid. I've also seen a lot of conversations summarized rather than dialoged. Give us the conversation, unless the characters are telling other characters about something we, the readers, already know, e.g., "Dan brought his parents up-to-speed on the whole bathtub-in-the-tree situation."

Show us what the characters say.
Show us how the characters feel.
Show us everything. But only once.

My favorite show-don't-tell quote is from Anton Chekhov:

Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass.

It always gives me shivers to read that. I may have to embroider it on a pillow or something.